My baby did not come home last night, stayed at grandma’s. 雖然知道他在阿嬷家會玩得很開心,也知道會有很好的照顧,吃得比在家還好,台南天氣又好,沒有台北濕冷,房子空間又大,有他專屬的遊戲室,有花園,有魚池,有狗陪他玩,而且也是他自己決定要留在阿嬷家的…. 可是,我昨晚就一夜沒睡了. 抱著他星期六換下來的睡衣,呼吸他的味道 (嗯,我這個媽真的有點變態…) 躺在床上,身邊少了他的小腳踢呀踢,小手戳呀戳,我睡不著.
要調適心態的是我這個媽… 嗯,一邊寫一邊掉眼淚… 再一個月就滿三歲的寶寶了,這次是挑戰和他分離最久的極限. 之前最久也不過3個晚上… 今晚就第三個晚上了… 嗚,可是才星期一,一個禮拜的第一天… 真的會天天哭.
An extract from a book that most defines my sentiment on motherhood:
“Watching something you love grow is both pleasure and pain. Each new phase – crawling, walking, talking – brings shouts of pride, but with each comes the mourning of the phase gone past…. The soft down of her scalp, fingers the size of beads, the mysterious whispers before words come: behind the joy in each new talent, I regretted the passing of the last. I had a secret longing to keep her small and precious and a part of me. As miserable as I had been during pregnancy I now often dreamt that she was back inside my body and that the two of us were floating like that forever, each clinging to the other for soft comfort in some eternal womb.
Time is impatient to take your child from you. So you learn that each moment is precious and that life is an inevitable clock. The pleasure of rearing a child is just a prelude to the pain of letting them go, and I anticipated that with an ache every day of her small life….
No matter what wisdom or tricks for happiness you learn, a mother worries every day of her life for her child. A wise one will pretend to let them go to keep them, but it’s just a sweet and sensible lie. Motherhood is a sweet, sweet suffering; a joy today is marked by fear for tomorrow and a craving for yesterday.” ~ Kate Kerrigan, Recipes for a Perfect Marriage, 2005
2007/12/12 Strawberry Picking
2007/12/12 Strawberry Picking, 彤彤 & 媽咪Tina
2007/12/12 Strawberry Picking, Even & 媽咪秀秀
2007/12/12 Strawberry Picking, Aaron & Mommy Judy